Saturday, January 30, 2010



I've made a new blog for my pregnancy journey

And Baby Makes Three

Please follow that blog now, as I'll be removing this one soon!!


Sleeping & Eating

As I sit and type, I have to stop occasionally and sit very still. The nausea is bad this morning. I still haven't thrown up (Thank God) but the nausea is getting worse every day. Mix that with some nice heartburn, and I'm feeling lovely!

You know what though? I'm not actually complaining. Overall, I feel pretty good.

Yesterday DH and I decided to get out of the house. We went to the shops and I loaded up on books.
Yes, I went a little mad in the book store. But I love to read and I'm sure I'll be done reading these books in no time. We even got DH a book (The Be Prepared one above). DH is not a reader. He can't remember the last time he read an entire book. But he's really enjoying this book (He said because it's got pictures too! LOL) and says that it's teaching him a lot.

We then decided to go to the movies. We haven't been in a while and thought we should go. We got tickets for the 4:45 showing of Did You Hear About The Morgans? and went off to have a late lunch at an Indian restaurant. I was starving by the time we sat down, and boy, did I eat. I overate (which left me feeling quite uncomfortable!). But the food was good!

We get to the cinema, and I sit back in the chair (we opted for the more expensive cinema that has Lazy Boys for chairs!). I kicked my flip-flops off, pushed my seat back and promptly fell asleep. What? I slept through a lot of the movie and only woke up because my arm had pins and needles. DH just laughed at me.

Today I'm planning on seeing a few girlfriends. One knows about the pregnancy, the other doesn't. I haven't made up my mind yet whether I'm gonna tell the other girlfriend yet, even after she sent me a message on Facebook saying, "I have a feeling you're pregnant. If I find out you are and you didn't tell me, I'll cause a scene" LOL I love my friends!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Still Sinking In

It's still sinking in that I'm pregnant. I'm so excited and just in awe.

I haven't peed on any more sticks - surprisingly - and even DH hasn't asked me to pee on any more! I've got a doctor's appointment on Monday to make sure everything is good.

I feel good. I've got a lot of nausea, but I guess that's to be expected. No throwing up yet - Yay!

My family is still over joyed - my little brother is adamant that I'm going to have a boy. But something tells me it's going to be a girl. I guess that's my intuition again ;) I'm going shopping today to get some books - baby names, what to eat, etc.

I feel so blessed. I have been thanking God daily (and more than once) for this gift. DH went out last night with his guy friends (I was asleep in bed LOL) and when he came home, he said he'd been thinking about me and our baby the whole night. He didn't tell his buddies, which surprised me, but he admitted that he was close to telling them.

So far, only our family and a few very close friends know. We're not going to shout it to the world until we're a bit further on. Although I think rumours are starting thanks to Facebook! My mother's status is 'Surprises in the air - watch this space' and I simply put 'happy' as my status... Now I've had a gazillion comments on it asking why {when did it start not being ok to just be happy? lol} and even a few private messages asking why.

My response to all is 'I'm just happy' but I can't wait to tell them all about it later. I think I'll just put up a sonogram pic or the picture of my digi as my profile pic and see how long it takes people to put two and two together LOL.

DH and I started talking about names last night. So far, for a girl, I love Addison. My mum doesn't really like it though. My second choice is Nyla. But I want to go get some baby names books and get out my highlighters {God, I sound like a geek!} DH likes Addison too. For boys, we've got a few more names: Lucas, Jeremiah, and Carter. But I'm not really thinking so much about boys names, cos I just feel like it's gonna be a girl!

On Monday, I'm going to check out these pregnancy yoga classes that my friend was telling me about. I'm also going to get all my prenatal vitamins that my Doctor will recommend I take. I'm starting on Folic Acid today, but will speak to my doctor about it more.

I'm sure I'll be back later with lists of names ;)

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Digital Times

So just a quick update, for now.

I took the plunge and peed on a digital test. I'm only 11DPO. I didn't think anything would come up - considering I'm early!

There's no denying that sucker!

I'm so excited!!! I so wanna wake DH up and show him, but he's so tired!!

I'm just gonna dance around my living room instead :)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Giddy like a School Girl!

The last 24 hours for me have been insane. I feel like I haven't stopped smiling.

DH came home from work and I showed him the pics of the tests. He's very happy but still cautious. I couldn't sleep last night for happiness.

This morning DH was gone by the time I woke up, so I took another test and saw a faint line (it was a pink-dye test) but I couldn't (for the life of me) get a good picture of it!!

I spoke to my mum and she was really upset about some stuff that's going on. I had no intention of telling her anything yet, but she was so upset on the phone, I knew I had to tell her. She was pretty shocked at first, then she was ecstatic. I told her not to put it on Facebook {My mother still hasn't learnt Facebook etiquette.} and she told me she'd only tell my step-father. I rang my grandmother to tell her and when she answered the phone, she exclaimed, "Honey, congratulations! I've just heard the news!" So much for my mum just telling my step-dad, huh?

I spoke to my step-dad and he was mega excited. He said that he thinks I'm gonna have a girl. And I think that as well. I don't know - it's a feeling I've got! Plus girls first run in both mine and DH's family!

I spoke to my little brother and told him about it. He's very happy about becoming an uncle!

Then I felt bad that all my family knew but none of DH's did. I spoke to him on his lunch break and said that we need to ring his family. I said I'd wait til he got home but he told me to ring them all. So first I rang his parents and told them - they were shocked but couldn't be happier. His mum said, "Oh wow! My second grandbaby!"

I then spoke to my sister-in-law. The conversation went like this:
Me: "Hey honey, how are you?"
Her: "I'm good! Is everything OK? How are you?"
Me: "I'm great!! I was actually ringing to tell you that X is going to be getting a cousin."
Her: "What?"
Me: "X is gonna get a cousin!"
Her: "From who??"
Me: "Um, us?!"
Her: [Screaming in my ear]

She's very excited and keeps leaving cryptic messages on my Facebook wall. I told both families that we want to keep it very quiet. We only want immediate family knowing until we know more.

I called my doctor earlier and told her what had happened. She said that considering I took the test in the afternoon (and not with FMU) and it came up positive, there's no doubt in her mind that I'm pregnant. I'm going in on Monday to start doing some blood tests (I figure Monday's safe. Period is due tomorrow/Friday, so if by chance the witch does show up, then I've got time to cancel the appointment). My doctor was like, "I guess I'll be seeing you Monday. And honey? Congratulations!" So speaking to her made me feel a lot better.

I went out this morning and got the cutest onesie in white, saying "I love my Daddy!" As long as everything goes well on Monday, I'm going to give it to him then.

Anyway, I'm hungry again, so let me leave you with some peestick pictures!


Edited to add some better pics:

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The beginning of something?

Ok, here goes!

I had a nap this afternoon (for about 2 hours) and when I woke up - something just told me to POAS. So I did. I wasn't expecting anything... After all, I'm only 9DPO...

The pics aren't great. I've tried to play around with them. But I can see the start of a line (I think). I never expect to see lines on my own tests and I was holding it in every different light in my house to see if I was seeing things. The line I see in real life is very thin, and at the left side of the test... I know Blue Dyes can be iffy, but I figured I might be OK cos it's a Clear Blue one.

So, this might be the start of a BFP! Of course, I'm sitting here telling myself not to get my hopes up, but I'm smiling like someone who slept with a coat hanger in their mouth!!

Up before the Sun

So, I'm awake a lot earlier than usual. DH had to go to work at 6am, so the alarm went off at 5am. I'm annoyed because I asked him last night to be quiet when he gets up, but he wasn't.

The alarm went off and in my sleep, I was nudging him to get up. I didn't want to wake up because I wanted to take my temps at 7 as I always do. He gets out of bed, goes into the bathroom, turns on the light and goes to the toilet - with the door open!! So I grabbed my BBT, took my temperature and got up.

I know he wasn't trying to be inconsiderate - he's not a great morning person anyway, so waking up so early is a big thing for him. But, he annoyed me, and he knows it.

As well as being tired, I'm feeling nauseous. I keep getting extra saliva in my mouth and I get that horrible 'I'm about to throw up' feeling. So far, I haven't thrown up (thank God, I hate throwing up!) but the nausea is definitely there.

I'm on DPO9 and can't wait for the next few days to pass so that I can POAS.

I'm going to try to wait til Feb 1st to test. It'll be DH's first 'official' day at work so he won't be home. I've decided that if I get a BFP (I will, I will, I will!) that I won't tell him til he gets home. I'll go and get him something from the baby shop around the corner - something to let him know that it was a BFP!

Please Lord, let this be our cycle!

The dogs have been driving me mad. They've always loved to cuddle, but this is now getting ridiculous. At night, when we go to bed, they give me zero space in the bed. The big boy has started sleeping in between my legs with his head on my tummy and the big girl now tries to lay beside me - and if not, she tries to lay on me. I love them, but they've become so needy and I don't know why! Maybe another pregnancy sign?

I've noticed for the past few days that I've had an upset stomach in the mornings. I really don't know why - I'm not eating anything that I don't normally. Anyone else had this prior to a BFP?

I'll sign off now, with my last words being begging: Please scatter us with baby dust and keep your fingers and toes crossed that this is our cycle!!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Positive Thinking

First, let me start with the great news. I mentioned last week that DH went for a job interview. Well, they rang him yesterday and told him he got the job. He was super excited! I knew that he'd get it though - I just had a feeling. (Side note: I still have my good feeling, so it wasn't about that)

I was playing around online earlier and came across this thing called Chinese Sticks. Apparently, you ask the sticks a question and then you get your answer. I decided to play around with it and asked, "Am I pregnant?" It responded with a "It is certain". While I take it all with a very large pinch of salt, I'm also grinning at the answer. I'm gonna play around with it some more later and see what else it will 'reveal'.

So, I'm now 8DPO and the days are taking longer and longer to pass. I actually went out yesterday and got a pregnancy test, but I haven't used it yet. {I'm surprised at my will power. It's sitting on the table in front of me and has been there since yesterday, and I haven't even had the urge to POAS!} I know that using it now won't give me a for-sure answer. I know it's likely to come up negative, because I'm early. I'm probably gonna test on Feb 1st. AF should be here by the 30/31, so if I wait til the 1st, then I'm officially late for AF.

I keep getting cramps that sort of remind me of AF cramps, so every time, I run to the bathroom to check. No sign of the wicked witch yet {stay away!}. My temps are also good, they've all stayed pretty high. I've had the worst upset stomach though, the last two mornings. My scent of smell is increasing daily - a good sign but not a good symptom LOL. Normally I can't ever smell very much, which doesn't bother me - it means I can't smell the dogs farts (unless they're lethal) etc, etc. But now I can smell everything. I can smell the hint of a fart, I can smell DH's breath (luckily, it rarely smells bad LOL), I can smell everything!

Surprisingly, I can smell all this and I have the sniffles. I don't feel like I'm getting sick, but my nose is being difficult - hopefully another sign!

I now need to fast forward time!! The TWW seems even longer this time around.

I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up this cycle, but I can't shake this feel-good warm feeling in my belly and even when I tell myself, 'Don't get excited.' I can feel the excitement bubbling away inside me. I really do have a good feeling about this cycle.

I know that if I do end up getting AF, I'm going to be crushed. I'm trying to tell myself that it's part of TTC and that sometimes it takes awhile, but I just know if it's not this cycle, I'm gonna cry - a lot.

But enough of the negative - it's all about being positive this cycle! Come on BFP!!! We're all ready and waiting for you - there's a huge 'Welcome' party planned for you. ;)

Sunday, January 24, 2010

POAS pushers

Surprisingly, this morning I feel a lot better. I don't feel as irritated {Yay} and that warm, feel-good feeling? It's almost throbbing now! But it makes me smile. I feel like a teenager who has butterflies in her stomach. {insert goofy grin here}

So, I'm now 7DPO, my temps have stayed up and without trying to jinx it, I have a really good feeling. Even the girls on the board have a good feeling about it.

Last night, DH and I settled into bed and he turned around and said, "Ok, I'm getting impatient now. Can you just test already?"

I was surprised because he was the one who didn't really want us testing early - to avoid disappointment. Even the girls on the board have been very good with not being POAS-pushers. It's my husband who is now pushing me to POAS!

But now, I can't stop thinking about it. Now I want to run (literally) to the pharmacy and get some tests. Even though I know it's too early. I actually have a ClearBlue Digital Test in the cupboard, but the only reason I'm not breaking it out is because I know it'll be too early.

Damn you, hubby, for putting these thoughts into my mind!

So, if I'm not pregnant, I don't know what's going on. I posted yesterday on a board that I'm cranky all day and I'm exhausted. When I'm not sleeping, all I want to do is devour all food in the house. I had dinner at about 8:30 last night, and we went up to bed at about 10:30. I was laying in bed and I was hungry - you've got to be kidding me!

It's been happening for a few days. I'll eat and be full and about 2 hours later, I'm ready to eat again. DH just laughs at me now. I'm not even a big eater! When we go out to eat, DH always wants me to order starters, because I never finish a main meal.

So hopefully I'll have the willpower today to stay away from the pee sticks. Otherwise, you'll probably hear back from me!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Irritable Cow Syndrome Part 2

So, the irritability hasn't left me yet. Today, it's slightly subsided, but I still feel it nagging at me.

Yesterday it really unleashed itself.

I went out to get food for dinner last night and I came home and realised I'd forgotten to get dog food (I hate this forgetfulness!)

This was a problem because they're super annoying when they don't get fed at their 'normal' time. I always feed them when I wake up - it's their routine. And since I get up with them, I'm the one who has to deal with them.

I mention it to DH and he said,  "Forget it. I'll go get it tomorrow."

This annoyed me majorly because the shop is literally 5 minutes away from the house. He hadn't moved from the house all day. And he knows how irritable I am at the moment.

I was livid.

While I'm cooking dinner and doing the dishes (it was his turn to do it the day before, but he didn't do it, so I had to do two days worth!) and he asks me "Are you mad?" I turned around and said, 'What do you think?'

We didn't speak for over an hour.

Now when I think about it, I realise it's pretty petty, but it just irritated me so much yesterday.

We ended up getting a call from some friends of ours and they invited us to their place. We got dressed and went there. Our friend says, 'What are you drinking?' and I realised it was a 'Let's get drunk type of party'. Another couple we spend a lot of time with were there as well. I sort of avoided the drink question for a while and then our host passes me a glass of wine.

I accepted it but put it straight down and was talking to the girls. Suddenly S notices I haven't touched my drink. "OMG, are you guys pregnant?' she asks, real loudly. I laugh it off and take a sip of the wine, just to shut them up.

Thankfully they all started getting drunk and didn't realise I wasn't drinking at all. LOL

We came home at about 1am and I was exhausted. I was yawning the whole way home while driving. By the time I got to bed, I was sure I was going to pass out, as soon as my head hit the pillow. But I found I was tossing and turning for a while, willing myself to go to sleep. I ended up getting about 5 hours sleep and now my eyes are burning, I'm so tired.

I think I'll be taking a few naps on the couch today. 

Friday, January 22, 2010

Irritable Cow Syndrome

Ok, I'm seriously suffering. I've been an irritable cow since yesterday.

In the morning, I was fine. And then, out of no where, I start getting irritated. DH was annoying the heck out of me all night last night. The worst part? He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.

I figured I needed to get my butt to bed and all would be good in the morning. But, it's not. I woke up this morning and still felt irritated.

DH is still in bed and the dogs are driving me mad. I feel like I'm about to lose my mind.

All I can do at this point is laugh. 'Cos nothing else is helping LOL.

My temp went up again today and I guess that's a good sign. Yesterday, while bored, I was on FF and looked at charts similar to mine. Quite a lot of them ended in a pregnancy, so here's hoping for us!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

{Insert Clever Title Here. I can't think}

So, yesterday, I completely forgot to mention that DH has a job interview today. I actually just kissed him goodbye at the door. I'm so excited for him. He hasn't been working since September, so he's ready to go out there and kick butt. It's for an Assistant Producer position, so I'm praying he gets the job! {See - I told you I was super forgetful yesterday!}

If you know me, I love my sleep. I love getting in between the cool sheets and stretching my legs before I assume my normal position (laying on right side, right arm under my pillow) and wait for my journey into Sleepy Town. I hate being woken up. I hate my cell phone ringing in the middle of the night (I used to keep it on silent, but since my mother's illness, I always keep it on loud). I hate the dogs barking when I'm sleeping.

So, last night I was mighty annoyed that I was woken at 2:00 in the morning.

No, it wasn't the dogs. Nor was it my cell phone. It wasn't even my DH.

It was because of my bladder. I needed to pee.

Trying not to wake myself up too much, I stumbled to the bathroom with my eyes half closed. As I got back into bed, I realised that if I am indeed pregnant this cycle, waking up to pee is going to be a regular occurrence.

But I figure it'll be fine, because I'd be pregnant. So I won't get so annoyed about it. :)

I'm finally starting to agree with DH that I am frequenting the bathroom more. And it's the second night I've woken up to pee. (Normally, I go before bed and then I'm good til the morning). I've noticed that when I do wake up, I'm bursting to go - also a new sign.

So hopefully, it's all a good sign. I've still got that feel-good, warm feeling in the pit of my stomach and I've been showered with lots of baby dust in the message boards. I've got lots of fingers and toes - across the world - being crossed for us that this is our cycle.

According to FF, if we did manage to get pregnant this cycle, our estimated due date will be 10/10/10. How cool is that?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Brain & Body Wipe Out

Wow. A wave of exhaustion just washed over me. My eyes suddenly felt insanely heavy and I slumped back into the couch. I want my bed, now. But it's only 7pm!

Today I've been insanely forgetful. I couldn't remember what movie we watched last night in bed and then I couldn't remember if an incident happened yesterday or today {It happened this morning. I couldn't even remember that 5 hours later}. I'd love to say I've been so busy that there's a million things running through my mind, or that I had a terrible night's sleep last night, but in reality, I've done nothing all day. Oh, and I also forgot something else, but I've forgotten what it actually was.

DH remarked that I'm going to the bathroom a lot. He said that last night, I went to the bathroom before we went to bed (10:30pm), I got up at 11:30pm to go again and then I fell asleep. I woke up at 12:30am to go to the bathroom, AGAIN. Today I've tried to keep count of the number of times I've been going to the bathroom, but it doesn't seem like a lot of times to me - six times so far but still counting.

But don't let me get ahead of myself. I don't want to think of anything as a possible symptom. I don't want to get my hopes up {Be still intuition-y feeling}.

I found myself on a website that details pregnancy symptoms from DPO1. These are all from real women and these symptoms turned into BFP's. I found myself mentally counting and tallying my 'possible' symptoms against that that other women have had. Luckily, I realised what I was doing and quickly closed the browser so I couldn't continue torturing myself.

I've tortured myself before - using Google all day to search for any twinge, cramp or mild ache I felt to see if it was a symptom. I kept a notebook besides me at all times and wrote everything down. I spent money on test after test and they were all resounding, bright BFN's. I actually cried when AF showed up. I cried into DH's chest because I'd worked myself up into a 'pregnancy' state.

I learnt from that though and I'm not going to get caught up in the hype again. That's why I'm determined to wait until AF is late. As much as part of me wants to pee on sticks and take pictures to post on the boards for all the girls to stare at - I don't want to get excited. I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to cry when/if AF shows.

I'll continue to think positively. I'll continue to pray that this is our month. I'll continue to acknowledge my feel good, warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. But I'll also keep 'This might not be the month' in the back of my mind.

But I appreciate prayers and thoughts and bundles of baby dust. :)

I Got A Feeling

I might sound like a nut, but I really do have a good feeling. It's nestled in the pit of my stomach and it's a warm, feel good feeling. I'd say it's intuition. I've had it before - with many different occasions - one for example, is when DH proposed to me.

Now, I'm not going to read too much into it, but I'm taking note of it. I've actually had it since last night. Now over 12 hours later, it's still lingering there.

So, FF did change my cross hairs. According to FF, I ovulated on the 17th, which now means I'm 3DPO. The good thing is, it's also upped my Intercourse Timing level as 'High' (before, when it gave me cross hairs, my Timing level was only 'Good'). I am now just crossing all my crossables and praying that this is the cycle for us!

I always took it for granted that we'd just get pregnant. I never thought it would take us this long (and I know, 6 months isn't a long time). I guess no one ever thinks it'll take a long time - everyone just thinks it'll happen. And to think of all the years we were so desperate not to be pregnant! Life can be ironic.

So, if you're reading this, please throw a little baby dust, prayer or whatever you can that this is our cycle! (How cool is it that if we do get pregnant this cycle, our estimated due date would be 10/10/10!)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Bumps in the road

So, I didn't get to post yesterday. It was a weird, rough day for me.

I got up and got ready. I had an interview with a recruitment agency who want to give me a job. I spent an hour straightening my hair and doing my make-up. I slipped my high heel boots on and felt pretty - it's been a while since I put on heels, so it was a nice change to my Uggs. But all morning, I'd felt off. I felt quite nauseous since I'd gotten out of bed.

I went to the interview and answered all the questions. I talked about my passion - creative writing - and we looked at jobs that I'd excell at. Overall, it was a great meeting. Just before {Thank God} the meeting started, I was sitting alone in the room and I had reflux (is that even the right word?). I had a little internal burp and stuff came up. Tears sprung to my eyes and I was thinking, 'Please don't throw up!'

After the meeting, DH and I went to the supermarket to get some food. I could barely walk straight. I wanted to blame the heels, but I knew it wasn't that. I felt so dizzy, I had to hold onto the trolley for dear life. I felt like I had motion-sickness, but I wasn't in the car. I was terrified I was going to throw up, because of all the extra saliva in my mouth. My head pounded with pain, and all I wanted to do was go home. I was sweating and feeling flushed - and it wasn't even hot at the air conditioned supermarket.

As soon as I got home, DH made me eat something and I laid on the couch. My eyelids felt like they had weights on them. I couldn't keep them open for the life of me. DH nudged me and said, 'Go up to bed.' And I did.

DH followed and put on a movie, but I was asleep before the intro had finished playing. I woke up a few hours later and stumbled downstairs, still with a pounding head. My gorgeous husband wouldn't let me cook dinner, he insisted I lay on the sofa and let him prepare the food.

I didn't think I'd be able to eat much, with the way I was feeling. But I was ravenous. I'm not a big eater but last night, I ate every last morsel of food on my plate. And I realised, I could have eaten more. I could have easily gobbled down a second helping. But I told myself not to be a pig.

I was still exhausted, so we went up to bed at about 9pm. We watched some TV and talked. Because of the temp spike yesterday, it suggests that I'm ovulating. Somehow, I managed to summon up the energy to BD. DH didn't want to, he was worried I wasn't feeling well enough, but I convinced him {wink}. Once it was done, I cuddled up to him and fell asleep with my three dogs all touching some part of my body.

It wasn't a great night of sleep. DH got really hot last night - like burning hot. He was cuddling me and the heat was so much that I woke up. I tried to get up to get him water, but he told me to go back to sleep. He left the room and I guess slept downstairs for a while. I woke up at 7 and he was still fast asleep, so I left him sleeping. My temperature was down a bit, 36.69, but it's still above the coverline temps.

I feel a lot better today. I still feel off, but not nearly so much as I did yesterday. I'm at a complete 'Duh' with my chart. I don't understand it and I'm very confused. If I did, in fact, ovulate yesterday, then at least we got a BD session in. I still have this deep buried gut feeling - like butterflies - that this is a good month, so I'm hoping and praying that it's not my excitement that's making me feel this way. I normally have pretty good intuition, so I'm hoping that's what it is.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Better but Bloated

So, DH and I had a good day yesterday.

When he woke up, I made him pancakes {the way to a man's heart is through his stomach}. We talked a bit and I showed him my FF chart, which helped him understand stuff a little better. Although the overall assessment was that it was all too confusing for him (his words) LOL.

We lazed around and watched movies all day and we got in a surprising BD session in the afternoon, which I wasn't expecting.

In the evening, we went out to eat. It's been ages since we ate out, so I suggested it might be nice. We went to the Rainforest Cafe and it was a nice experience - overall. I'd started feeling bloated about an hour before we left the house. I was uncomfortable and I'd had mild cramps and twinges all day long. I didn't eat a lot at the restaurant, because I was so uncomfortable.

We walked around the mall for a bit - hoping that it'd ease my bloated-ness. It didn't really help, and I was so ready to go home. We got home and I don't even think the front door had closed before I'd undone my jeans!

We went up to bed and put a film in, but we didn't get to see a lot of it, because another surprise BD session happened. {I'm not complaining, at all.} It surprised me, because it seems like my sex drive has increased. {I'm guessing DH isn't complaining at all, either}.

On the drive home, DH was talking to me about the things we'd do if I get pregnant this cycle. I haven't shared my 'special feeling' with him this month, because I don't want to get his hopes up. But I do feel different this cycle. {Please God, don't let me be reading too much into it}.

So, please scatter lots of baby dust my way. According to FF, I'm 6DPO. I'm praying that this is the month...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

TTC Blues

So, I think TTC is starting to get to my DH. The last few days he's been pretty quiet, and last night, we went to BD and it didn't go according to plan.

I was a little upset, as according to online calculators, yesterday was my most fertile day.

He apologised and apologised and I told him not to worry. I didn't want to stress him out any more than he already was.

He admitted that it's all he thinks about, all day long, about how he wants to give me a baby.

I told him that we can't stress about it and that we just gotta go with the flow. He still seemed pretty down.

I don't think I talk about TTC and all the ins and outs with him really - that's why I started this blog {and why I post on boards}. I did tell him that FF said I'd O'd, but that's all.

He does stress though - he got upset and stressed when I wasn't pregnant the first time we started TTC. I explained that it can take a while - his sister took 8 months to get pregnant. He just wants everything to happen straight away. He has no patience.

Today I'm gonna be a little extra nice to him - I'll make him pancakes for breakfast when he wakes up and try to cheer him up a bit. I don't want him to start being all negative and I know that if I get a BFN this month, he'll beat himself up about it. 

I don't want to jinx it, but I do have a really good feeling this month. I keep getting butterflies in my tummy and I keep feeling cramps and twinges. I never normally notice these things. I refuse to get wrapped up in all the hype - I've done it before and it just upsets me so much if AF arrives.

This time around, I'm not testing until AF is late. I'm not going to over-analyse every twinge or cramp or possible symptom. I'm going to leave this in God's hands. {But I still have a pretty good feeling about this month - not really sure why.}

Friday, January 15, 2010

Crosshairs & Questions

So, yesterday FF gave me cross hairs. But I don't think I ovulated. A few of the girls on the boards have said that it may be because it's my first cycle temping and FF is just trying to figure things out. {Shrugs} Who knows?

Despite the O that FF thinks I've done, DH and I have BDed every day. According to other online sites, I'm due to O around today/tomorrow, so BDing is in order!

Some of the girls on the boards have got beautiful BFP's in the last couple of days. I'm so excited for them (even though I know none of them personally) but every time I see that gorgeous BFP, I get a kick of emotions. When is it gonna be our turn? I know it'll happen for us, but now we've been trying for 6 months, we want it so bad!

But onto positive thinking: it'll happen for us, this time it will be our month!! {turns into to personal mantra}

My big dog made it through surgery without any hiccups. They removed the lump on his head, but they have no idea what it is, so it's been sent off to be analysed. The first day we brought him home was rough - he's got to wear the big protective collar so that he doesn't scratch out his stitches and he hates it. He cried a lot the first night - I think it was the anesthetic coming out of his system and maybe some pain. But he's doing much better now. We actually got a full night sleep last night!

For my other pooch, we met with a family yesterday that do dog-sitting. They normally do it on a day-by-day scheme for people going away for a few days. But we took our girl to their house and they LOVED her. She was playing with the young boy (probably about 8) and he was just beaming. We talked to them at length, and they've given us a good rate for her to stay with them. It'll break my heart to leave her here - even if it's only for a short time - but at least she really liked the family and I know they'll spoil her rotten.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Doggie Dramas

So, my big dog is in surgery today. I took him to the vet yesterday to have them look at a bump on his head. I noticed it a few weeks ago but dismissed it - he's got big feet, long legs and is just plain clumsy. But I've noticed it getting bigger. And then overnight, it seemed to have doubled in size.

I took him to the vet in the afternoon. The vet prodded and poked, and then stuck a big needle into the bump - my guess is to see if anything {pus, blood, etc} came out. She stood up and said, 'Well, normally I would have thought he'd bumped his head and maybe cracked the bone. But the swelling would have happened over a few days, not weeks. So I'm suggesting surgery to remove it and analyse it.' Obviously, I said yes. But now I'm all worried about what it could be.

While we were at the vet's, we asked about our dogs blood test results. We're moving to Australia soon, and the rules to import your animals are insane. The quarantine period can be hardcore. We worked out that if we did the blood tests 5 months before they arrived in Australia, they'd only have to be in quarantine for 30 days. {Much better option than 4 or 5 months} So in November, we rounded the dogs up and took them for their blood tests. We're leaving in April, so the timing worked out perfectly.

The vet informed me that my female dog failed the blood tests. She explained that the Rabies booster jab would have to be re-done and then 3 weeks after that, they could draw her blood again. I was upset because this means, if my girlie leaves in April as planned, she'll have to spend about 3 months in quarantine. We only rented our house for 6 months - it never occurred to us that any of the dogs would fail.

DH and I went through our options. 1 - we could take her as planned and leave her in quarantine for the 3 months. 2 - we could ask someone here to look after her for a few months until she could fly down for a lesser time in quarantine. 3 - we book her into kennels here and let her wait it out until the time in quarantine wouldn't be as hardcore.

Then we went through the problems with our options. 1 - it wouldn't be fair to put her in quarantine for that long. She'd arrive with the other two dogs, and then 30 days later, they'd leave (to come home with us) and she'd be left there for another month or two. She frets as it is, so I'd worry endlessly about her and I don't know how good it'd be for her emotional and physical health. Plus, it'd cost a lot. 2 - She's a rottweiler and they come with a bad reputation. She's the most loving, affectionate dog in the world and is great with kids and other animals. But she's a big dog so it's hard to find someone who'd care for her for that long. Obviously, we'd buy all the food she needed and leave money with the person looking after her, but it's still a lot to ask. 3 - Putting her in kennels here would cost a fortune. And really, is putting her in a kennel here any different to quarantine in Australia?

So, now we're not sure what to do. We've started asking around to see if anyone would be willing to take her. But it breaks my heart that we're going to not see her for so long. DH jokes that the dogs are like my children and I laugh along with him. But really, I love them like I'll love my children and I take care of them every day, so in a sense, they are my kids. {As nutty as that sounds. Yes, I can hear how nutty it sounds.}

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

{Mood} Swings & Roundabouts

So, I'm super moody. I don't know what it is. {If I didn't know better, I'd swear AF is around the corner!}

I don't know what it is. I don't know if the TTC stress is quietly getting to me {as much as I tell myself I don't want to stress about it}. I don't know if it's because I'm bored - because I'm not working. I don't know if it's because of money. I just don't know what it is.

DH and I had an argument last night. One of our big dogs was barking outside and our neighbours are asses. They often complain that our dogs 'bark all through the night' {which they don't, because they sleep inside, in our bedroom. Trust me, if they barked all night, DH and I would be the first to know about it}. Something was really bothering our big boy and I was desperately trying to get him into the house - to stop the barking. DH wasn't really helping. I called for him to come help and he grabs big boys extra skin around his neck to try and steer him into the house. It doesn't work - at all - and the boy starts getting angry. He growls and then the big female dog gets protective and they start fighting.

I've had dogs all my life and I know when to worry when the dogs fight. This fight was pretty mean and these two dogs grew up together, they never fight. I'm trying to get them apart and DH is just standing there. He goes to walk inside the house and I shout, 'Wet them with the hose!!!' He turns around and shouts 'Will you stop screaming?'

I shouted ONCE. I gave him the death stare and walked inside. He's the big man of the house, let him sort it out. I didn't utter a word to him for the rest of the night. Prior to the dog drama, I'd already started feeling a niggling of a headache coming on, and this just brought it out.

At about 9:30pm, I went upstairs to shower. I locked the door and stood in the shower for a good 20 minutes {until the water turned cold}. I got dressed, went to the bedroom door and said, 'I'm going to bed.'

Five minutes later, he was upstairs with the dogs, getting ready for bed. I still didn't say anything. He crawled into bed and asks, 'Are you tired?' Um, yeah right, you're not about get to BD tonight. I turned over, said 'I'm tired and I have a headache.'

He nudges me. 'Are you mad about something?'

'Yeah I am. You didn't want to help me when the dogs were fighting. You'd rather they ripped each other's heads off. So yeah, I'm mad. Next time they fight, I'll leave it to you to sort out. Because I'm just an emotional, irrational woman.'

'I'm sorry.'

I just closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep. He then turns on the TV, turns it up loud and laughs at 30 Rock.

I woke up this morning feeling better. I mean, I wasn't in a bad mood. I think it might have had something to do with the fact, in the middle of the night, I guess I'd woken up from a dream or something and I felt DH move. All of a sudden, he says "Oh f***" in his sleep. I asked him if he was awake and got a snore in response. I couldn't help but giggle. He always talks (or says random things) in his sleep. And he says I sleep talk!

I'm tired though - I don't know why I'm so tired all the time. The house is a mess so today I'm going to be cleaning all day. According to FF and other online charting sites, I'm getting fertile, so it's time to BD tonight.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Bad Night

So last night, I didn't get a lot of sleep. After a great BD session, I snuggled down, ready to get some sleep - little did I know it wouldn't happen so easily.

[Side note; I have three dogs. Two giant dogs, and a small one. They sleep on the bed, mostly by me (one on right upper side of body, other by legs on right side of body, small on by my feet). I'm so used to it, that it rarely bothers me anymore]

DH was tossing and turning, waking me up every time I drifted off to sleep. My big giant boy dog, who's really a big baby, was whining to get closer to me. DH grabbed his pillow and huffed, 'I'm sleeping in the other room.' He often does this - for about an hour - and then climbs back into bed with me.

So I finally fall asleep, a nice deep sleep full of dreams. One dream that I remember (and am mad because I woke up during it!) was that I had a BFP (big fat positive) on a pregnancy test. The strange thing was that it was a weird test, it didn't look like any test I've used before, or that I've seen. But it didn't matter, it was a pink dye test that was positive.

My dream was interrupted by my big dogs barking like mad. I couldn't understand what was going on - in my sleepy state. Suddenly I heard the roar of thunder and the flash of lightening and realised that was what was upsetting the pooches. They kept barking and I was trying to stop them. DH came into the room and got into bed and then the dogs seemed to settle down. I guess they needed their 'daddy' in bed too to feel safe. The sound of thunder seemed to put everyone to sleep - except me.

I didn't sleep well after that, I kept tossing and turning - paranoid because I know I need at least three hours sleep to get a good temperature reading in the morning. I finally fell asleep - it was definitely not the best sleep I've ever had, but at least I got about four hours sleep.

Yesterday we went and got some OPK's (Ovulation Predictor Kits). They were damn expensive, but we figured that at least we'd get a better idea of the big O time. I used one this morning and there's a faint line, but I'm not ovulating yet. According to online charts and such, I should be ovulating around the 15th or 16th. So DH and I have gonna get lots of BD in!

Every morning and every night I pray that this is the month. I'm so scared that it won't be. I got some new pictures of my niece today and wanted to cry. I definitely have baby fever - DH laughs at me because every time I see a baby I just smile. But I know it's what we both want. We both had a talk and said that money isn't great right now, but we also realised that there's always going to be something that will 'stop' us. It's never going to be the perfect time. We're both on board, 100% for our turn. We want to expand our family and I can't wait to be pregnant. So, please Lord, let this be our month.

I love being on different pregnancy boards, and I used to post up a storm. But this time, I've found myself holding back. I seem to analyse every possible symptom when I'm really active on the boards. I think I find myself looking for symptoms that aren't even there. That's why this cycle, I've pulled back from posting as much - I still lurk and congratulate the girls that get their BFP's - but I try to not get myself hyped up.

I find that it's really easy to get caught up in the excitement, the anxious wait, the symptom lists. I find myself getting lost in that world - and while it's a great world - it also messes with my head [and heart] a little. So this cycle, I'm taking the slow and steady approach. I'm not going to get excited. I'm not going to test until AF is officially late. (Which according to my calculations and those on sites around, is due around Jan 30th). I'll wait until AF doesn't show, then I'll test. I'm not going to analyse possible symptoms, I'm not going to read between the lines - at all - this cycle, is all gonna be about if AF is late.

I hate seeing a BFN when I test. I want to see a BFP. I know that your chances of getting a BFP if AF is late are higher than testing earlier.  (Obviously, that statement only reads true if you're pregnant.) So come Jan 30th or 31st, if AF hasn't arrived, then I'll break out the tests!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

It's a whole other world

So for this cycle, I started temping. I've never temped before and I actually thought that I'd suck at it - I'm not the greatest morning person, and I thought I'd have forgotten to do it a whole bunch of times by now. Surprisingly, I've stuck to it - except for one day when we'd been out really late and had a few drinks.

But, I don't understand it, at all. I'm still doing it, and putting it on my FF chart, but I really just don't understand it. My temps seem to be all over the place - never consistent. Ugh! I guess I'll work it out, somehow.

Anyone care to have a look? Fertilty Friend chart

Yesterday, I was in a weird mood. Not quite in a bad mood, but not in a good mood either. DH wanted to go the cinema, so I said yes. We got there, and the lines were insanely long. Our movie wasn't starting for another hour and a half, so we went to Starbucks, figuring that by the time we got back, the lines wouldn't be as bad. We head back there, and the lines are longer than before. I have very little patience at the best of times, so I looked at him and said, 'If we stand in that line, we're going to miss the beginning of the movie. So what's the point? I don't want to really be standing in that line.' He huffed off, mumbling that he was going to go to another cinema, by himself.

I got a little mad. I'm wary of spending money like we're rich right now, because we're not working at the moment. Yes, we're ok financially, but if we just spend and spend, we won't be. Yes, a cinema outing for us wouldn't ruin the bank, but as we were leaving, DH stops and buys a Playstation 3 game. That's possibly the third one we've bought in the last two weeks. So I rode home in silence, and I guess he realised what was up, because he couldn't have been sweeter at home, cooking me dinner and being all nice.

Anyway, it's a new day, the sun is shining and I'm (assuming) getting closer to the big O. Let's make a baby! ;)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Ready, Set, Go!

First, I should introduce myself. I go by C on the internet (don't want to put my real name out there, really). I'm 27 and am married. We officially got married in July last year, but we had the big party in October with all our friends and family.

In July last year, DH (darling hubby) and I had an oopsie. We thought I was pregnant and were actually really excited at the thought. Unfortunately, I wasn't, but it made us realise that we want a baby, so ever since, we've been trying.

I joined a few pregnancy boards and joined in with the ladies, moaning about the 2WW (2 week wait) and combing through any possible symptoms. Then in September, AF (Aunt Flo, or period) was late. I was on pins and needles, but it turned out that stress had made my body skip a period. It sucked, and I withdrew from the boards quite a lot because it had started to upset me. I found that I was obsessing too much and needed a break.

Now it's a new year and I'm back on a few of the boards. I had a full check up in December and the Doctor told me everything was perfect. I got some Pre-Seed and a thermometer and was ready to really get started with the trying. So, now I'm ready. Officially we're on cycle #6 but in my mind, it's the first cycle for us because this time, we're determined to do it right.

I am grasping to understand the temping situation and charting, but I'm trying. We're BD (baby-dancing) every two days since AF stopped. In a few days, I'll be getting closer to my fertile period, so I'm crossing everything that can be crossed that this time, it'll happen for us!