Positive Thinking

First, let me start with the great news. I mentioned last week that DH went for a job interview. Well, they rang him yesterday and told him he got the job. He was super excited! I knew that he'd get it though - I just had a feeling. (Side note: I still have my good feeling, so it wasn't about that)


I was playing around online earlier and came across this thing called Chinese Sticks. Apparently, you ask the sticks a question and then you get your answer. I decided to play around with it and asked, "Am I pregnant?" It responded with a "It is certain". While I take it all with a very large pinch of salt, I'm also grinning at the answer. I'm gonna play around with it some more later and see what else it will 'reveal'.

So, I'm now 8DPO and the days are taking longer and longer to pass. I actually went out yesterday and got a pregnancy test, but I haven't used it yet. {I'm surprised at my will power. It's sitting on the table in front of me and has been there since yesterday, and I haven't even had the urge to POAS!} I know that using it now won't give me a for-sure answer. I know it's likely to come up negative, because I'm early. I'm probably gonna test on Feb 1st. AF should be here by the 30/31, so if I wait til the 1st, then I'm officially late for AF.

I keep getting cramps that sort of remind me of AF cramps, so every time, I run to the bathroom to check. No sign of the wicked witch yet {stay away!}. My temps are also good, they've all stayed pretty high. I've had the worst upset stomach though, the last two mornings. My scent of smell is increasing daily - a good sign but not a good symptom LOL. Normally I can't ever smell very much, which doesn't bother me - it means I can't smell the dogs farts (unless they're lethal) etc, etc. But now I can smell everything. I can smell the hint of a fart, I can smell DH's breath (luckily, it rarely smells bad LOL), I can smell everything!

Surprisingly, I can smell all this and I have the sniffles. I don't feel like I'm getting sick, but my nose is being difficult - hopefully another sign!

I now need to fast forward time!! The TWW seems even longer this time around.

I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up this cycle, but I can't shake this feel-good warm feeling in my belly and even when I tell myself, 'Don't get excited.' I can feel the excitement bubbling away inside me. I really do have a good feeling about this cycle.

I know that if I do end up getting AF, I'm going to be crushed. I'm trying to tell myself that it's part of TTC and that sometimes it takes awhile, but I just know if it's not this cycle, I'm gonna cry - a lot.

But enough of the negative - it's all about being positive this cycle! Come on BFP!!! We're all ready and waiting for you - there's a huge 'Welcome' party planned for you. ;)

POAS pushers

Surprisingly, this morning I feel a lot better. I don't feel as irritated {Yay} and that warm, feel-good feeling? It's almost throbbing now! But it makes me smile. I feel like a teenager who has butterflies in her stomach. {insert goofy grin here}

So, I'm now 7DPO, my temps have stayed up and without trying to jinx it, I have a really good feeling. Even the girls on the board have a good feeling about it.

Last night, DH and I settled into bed and he turned around and said, "Ok, I'm getting impatient now. Can you just test already?"

I was surprised because he was the one who didn't really want us testing early - to avoid disappointment. Even the girls on the board have been very good with not being POAS-pushers. It's my husband who is now pushing me to POAS!

But now, I can't stop thinking about it. Now I want to run (literally) to the pharmacy and get some tests. Even though I know it's too early. I actually have a ClearBlue Digital Test in the cupboard, but the only reason I'm not breaking it out is because I know it'll be too early.

Damn you, hubby, for putting these thoughts into my mind!

So, if I'm not pregnant, I don't know what's going on. I posted yesterday on a board that I'm cranky all day and I'm exhausted. When I'm not sleeping, all I want to do is devour all food in the house. I had dinner at about 8:30 last night, and we went up to bed at about 10:30. I was laying in bed and I was hungry - you've got to be kidding me!

It's been happening for a few days. I'll eat and be full and about 2 hours later, I'm ready to eat again. DH just laughs at me now. I'm not even a big eater! When we go out to eat, DH always wants me to order starters, because I never finish a main meal.

So hopefully I'll have the willpower today to stay away from the pee sticks. Otherwise, you'll probably hear back from me!

Irritable Cow Syndrome Part 2

So, the irritability hasn't left me yet. Today, it's slightly subsided, but I still feel it nagging at me.

Yesterday it really unleashed itself.

I went out to get food for dinner last night and I came home and realised I'd forgotten to get dog food (I hate this forgetfulness!)

This was a problem because they're super annoying when they don't get fed at their 'normal' time. I always feed them when I wake up - it's their routine. And since I get up with them, I'm the one who has to deal with them.

I mention it to DH and he said,  "Forget it. I'll go get it tomorrow."

This annoyed me majorly because the shop is literally 5 minutes away from the house. He hadn't moved from the house all day. And he knows how irritable I am at the moment.

I was livid.

While I'm cooking dinner and doing the dishes (it was his turn to do it the day before, but he didn't do it, so I had to do two days worth!) and he asks me "Are you mad?" I turned around and said, 'What do you think?'

We didn't speak for over an hour.

Now when I think about it, I realise it's pretty petty, but it just irritated me so much yesterday.

We ended up getting a call from some friends of ours and they invited us to their place. We got dressed and went there. Our friend says, 'What are you drinking?' and I realised it was a 'Let's get drunk type of party'. Another couple we spend a lot of time with were there as well. I sort of avoided the drink question for a while and then our host passes me a glass of wine.

I accepted it but put it straight down and was talking to the girls. Suddenly S notices I haven't touched my drink. "OMG, are you guys pregnant?' she asks, real loudly. I laugh it off and take a sip of the wine, just to shut them up.

Thankfully they all started getting drunk and didn't realise I wasn't drinking at all. LOL

We came home at about 1am and I was exhausted. I was yawning the whole way home while driving. By the time I got to bed, I was sure I was going to pass out, as soon as my head hit the pillow. But I found I was tossing and turning for a while, willing myself to go to sleep. I ended up getting about 5 hours sleep and now my eyes are burning, I'm so tired.

I think I'll be taking a few naps on the couch today. 

Irritable Cow Syndrome

Ok, I'm seriously suffering. I've been an irritable cow since yesterday.

In the morning, I was fine. And then, out of no where, I start getting irritated. DH was annoying the heck out of me all night last night. The worst part? He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.

I figured I needed to get my butt to bed and all would be good in the morning. But, it's not. I woke up this morning and still felt irritated.

DH is still in bed and the dogs are driving me mad. I feel like I'm about to lose my mind.

All I can do at this point is laugh. 'Cos nothing else is helping LOL.

My temp went up again today and I guess that's a good sign. Yesterday, while bored, I was on FF and looked at charts similar to mine. Quite a lot of them ended in a pregnancy, so here's hoping for us!

{Insert Clever Title Here. I can't think}

So, yesterday, I completely forgot to mention that DH has a job interview today. I actually just kissed him goodbye at the door. I'm so excited for him. He hasn't been working since September, so he's ready to go out there and kick butt. It's for an Assistant Producer position, so I'm praying he gets the job! {See - I told you I was super forgetful yesterday!}

If you know me, I love my sleep. I love getting in between the cool sheets and stretching my legs before I assume my normal position (laying on right side, right arm under my pillow) and wait for my journey into Sleepy Town. I hate being woken up. I hate my cell phone ringing in the middle of the night (I used to keep it on silent, but since my mother's illness, I always keep it on loud). I hate the dogs barking when I'm sleeping.

So, last night I was mighty annoyed that I was woken at 2:00 in the morning.

No, it wasn't the dogs. Nor was it my cell phone. It wasn't even my DH.

It was because of my bladder. I needed to pee.

Trying not to wake myself up too much, I stumbled to the bathroom with my eyes half closed. As I got back into bed, I realised that if I am indeed pregnant this cycle, waking up to pee is going to be a regular occurrence.

But I figure it'll be fine, because I'd be pregnant. So I won't get so annoyed about it. :)

I'm finally starting to agree with DH that I am frequenting the bathroom more. And it's the second night I've woken up to pee. (Normally, I go before bed and then I'm good til the morning). I've noticed that when I do wake up, I'm bursting to go - also a new sign.

So hopefully, it's all a good sign. I've still got that feel-good, warm feeling in the pit of my stomach and I've been showered with lots of baby dust in the message boards. I've got lots of fingers and toes - across the world - being crossed for us that this is our cycle.

According to FF, if we did manage to get pregnant this cycle, our estimated due date will be 10/10/10. How cool is that?

Brain & Body Wipe Out

Wow. A wave of exhaustion just washed over me. My eyes suddenly felt insanely heavy and I slumped back into the couch. I want my bed, now. But it's only 7pm!

Today I've been insanely forgetful. I couldn't remember what movie we watched last night in bed and then I couldn't remember if an incident happened yesterday or today {It happened this morning. I couldn't even remember that 5 hours later}. I'd love to say I've been so busy that there's a million things running through my mind, or that I had a terrible night's sleep last night, but in reality, I've done nothing all day. Oh, and I also forgot something else, but I've forgotten what it actually was.

DH remarked that I'm going to the bathroom a lot. He said that last night, I went to the bathroom before we went to bed (10:30pm), I got up at 11:30pm to go again and then I fell asleep. I woke up at 12:30am to go to the bathroom, AGAIN. Today I've tried to keep count of the number of times I've been going to the bathroom, but it doesn't seem like a lot of times to me - six times so far but still counting.

But don't let me get ahead of myself. I don't want to think of anything as a possible symptom. I don't want to get my hopes up {Be still intuition-y feeling}.

I found myself on a website that details pregnancy symptoms from DPO1. These are all from real women and these symptoms turned into BFP's. I found myself mentally counting and tallying my 'possible' symptoms against that that other women have had. Luckily, I realised what I was doing and quickly closed the browser so I couldn't continue torturing myself.

I've tortured myself before - using Google all day to search for any twinge, cramp or mild ache I felt to see if it was a symptom. I kept a notebook besides me at all times and wrote everything down. I spent money on test after test and they were all resounding, bright BFN's. I actually cried when AF showed up. I cried into DH's chest because I'd worked myself up into a 'pregnancy' state.

I learnt from that though and I'm not going to get caught up in the hype again. That's why I'm determined to wait until AF is late. As much as part of me wants to pee on sticks and take pictures to post on the boards for all the girls to stare at - I don't want to get excited. I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to cry when/if AF shows.

I'll continue to think positively. I'll continue to pray that this is our month. I'll continue to acknowledge my feel good, warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. But I'll also keep 'This might not be the month' in the back of my mind.

But I appreciate prayers and thoughts and bundles of baby dust. :)

I Got A Feeling

I might sound like a nut, but I really do have a good feeling. It's nestled in the pit of my stomach and it's a warm, feel good feeling. I'd say it's intuition. I've had it before - with many different occasions - one for example, is when DH proposed to me.

Now, I'm not going to read too much into it, but I'm taking note of it. I've actually had it since last night. Now over 12 hours later, it's still lingering there.

So, FF did change my cross hairs. According to FF, I ovulated on the 17th, which now means I'm 3DPO. The good thing is, it's also upped my Intercourse Timing level as 'High' (before, when it gave me cross hairs, my Timing level was only 'Good'). I am now just crossing all my crossables and praying that this is the cycle for us!

I always took it for granted that we'd just get pregnant. I never thought it would take us this long (and I know, 6 months isn't a long time). I guess no one ever thinks it'll take a long time - everyone just thinks it'll happen. And to think of all the years we were so desperate not to be pregnant! Life can be ironic.

So, if you're reading this, please throw a little baby dust, prayer or whatever you can that this is our cycle! (How cool is it that if we do get pregnant this cycle, our estimated due date would be 10/10/10!)